After an insurance sales agent misses a sale, or has a down day there are two easy solutions to changing attitude. The first to drink a 6 pack of beer or a pint of your favorite nectar. This is not the recommended solution. A better one would to read some insurance jokes, feel a little humor, and know that tomorrow will be a better day. Many real insurance laughter jokes are not printed here, as some may feel them unsuitable print.
Quite a few of these insurance jokes are my own originals, while others were added that were heard elsewhere. You can find more in a previous article on top laughter insurance jokes. Additional material is contained in another article on life insurance agents retirement and insurance jokes.
1. A TRUE STORY
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these fine cigars and without yet having made his first premium payment on the insurance policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim the man stated that the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires”.
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in normal fashion. The man sued and won! In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated that – nevertheless – the man held a policy with the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be “unacceptable fire,” and was therefore obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the man for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the “fires”.
Now for the best part. After the man cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
2. NO-FAULT COVERAGE
Sam an insurance agent, and Joe a factory worker are driving down the same road. By some unfortunate mishap, the cars slam head-on into each other, head-on. The two men escape any serious injury, but the cars are totaled. Sam immediately says, “Instead of fighting over whose fault it is, and since we both have insurance, why don’t we just celebrate being alive?”
Joe says, “Yeah, good idea!” “I have a bottle of whiskey in the trunk, why don’t I pull that out?” suggests Sam. He gives the undamaged bottle to Joe and says, “Here pal, drink some!”
Frank, being very thirsty, takes the bottle and chugs it half down. He wipes his mouth and hands the bottle over to Sam. “Here, now you have some!” Sam passes the whiskey back and says, “No, I think I’ll wait until the police get here.”
3. LEARNING TO SELL INSURANCE
A new life insurance salesperson needing a boost turns to his successful vacuum salesperson friend. His buddy says, “Selling is easy, you don’t even need leads, you just have to get their attention first.” He tells the life insurance salesperson to come along with him. Both salesman appear at an elderly lady’s old home. Before allowing the woman to speak, the vacuum salesperson rushes into the living room and throws a huge bag of nasty dirt all over her clean carpet. He confidently says, “If this new vacuum doesn’t pick up every bit, then I’ll eat all the dirt.”
The woman, loses her patience, saying, “Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?”
4. RETIRED INSURANCE AGENT
After a successful insurance career a man in his sixties decided to start taking it easy. Now soon after he got extremely bored, and was always looking for a challenge. Killing flies with a newspaper was way to easy so his decided to use one of his wife’s hairpins. His wife comes home and sees him stabbing into the air with one of her hairpins.
She thinks maybe he is getting senile, and asks, Just what the heck do you think you are doing.” He replies back to hear, “Oh just eliminating some pesky flies, I got 3 males, along with 2 females.” Thinking he must be getting Looney, she says, “Now tell me how it is that you know what gender they were?” He responds, “Easy, the 3 males were on the beer, and the 2 females were on the phone.”
5. INJURED INSURANCE REPRESENTATIVE
An insurance sales rep feeling to weak to work goes to the doctor complaining about aching all over. He tells the doc “Everywhere I touch it hurts.” The doctor replies back, “Okay touch your elbow.” The sales rep touches his elbow and screams in genuine pain. Next the puzzled doctor says. “Now touch your head” Upon touching his head the guy jumps up in agony. Then the doctor orders him to touch his knee. Still agony. Everything he is asked to touch the pain just worsens.
The doctor is by now completely stumped. He orders a complete examination with a complete set of x-rays. The agent is told to come back in two days. Two days later he returns, and the doctor declares, “We found your problem.” The insurance reps says “Oh yeah, what is it?” The doc answers, “You’ve broken your finger.”
6. Bumper Sticker spotted read, “Insurance Agents are Premium Lovers”
7. “Needing life insurance is like needing a parachute. If it isn’t there the first time you need it, you won’t be needing it again.”
8. Quote must be from a life insurance agent trying to make a sale. “The great use of life is to spend it on something that will outlast it.” James Truslow Adams
9. Life is beset by many annoyances, and those that stand out above all are the life insurance agents. – Alice MacDougal
10. “There are really one three types of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who say what happened” – Ann Landers